Contain, Consider, and Communicate

I just want to remember what different stages of life feel like. I want to be sensitive to that.

Life is such a balancing act. That's part of what makes it so hard. We are prone to the extreme, one way or another, because it is way easier to fall to one side than it is to walk a tightrope day in and day out.

Part of this balancing act is taking the feelings of others into consideration. The Bible is very clear that we are to consider others better than ourselves. If we are strong we are to make sacrifices for the building up of the weak, and if we have differing convictions we are to take care not to make one another stumble.

However, the other side of that is letting the feelings of others dictate your whole life and rob important life events of their joy.

I want to address these things in the area of being single verses being in a relationship, specifically as a young adult Christian woman.

I have found that it is common among this demographic to desire to be in a relationship. I have also found that as the years go on and the people around you get married and begin having children, there is such a temptation to breed discontentment in your heart for the season of life that God is calling you to walk through. While this ultimately is an issue that can only be resolved by continually coming before the throne and experiencing the sufficiency of Christ, let's face it: there are a lot of things that our not-so-single friends could be doing to help a sister out. Here are a few practical ways that we can do so:

1. Contain

So you've found the man of your dreams. So you are the happiest you've ever been. So you love reliving every detail of your first date or each conversation with your significant other. Praise God for that blessing! But please, don't forget what it felt like to before all of this. Remember that not everyone wants to hear all of these details and not everyone needs to. Partly because some of these things are for you to treasure in your heart, and partly because this can be a huge stumbling block for your sisters that are struggling with discontentment. Don't completely stifle your excitement, it is a blessing from the Lord and you should joyfully thank Him for it! But please do contain it, using discretion when tempted to spill your guts to everyone.

2. Consider

Philippians 2:3 tells us to in humility consider others better than ourselves. We are to put the needs and feelings of others above our own. The best way to do this is to consider Christ, God in the flesh, who didn't consider the position that He rightfully had something to hold on to, but instead lay down His very life for the wretched enemies of God. In addition to that, remember the times that you were struggling with your singleness. Consider the nights that you really just couldn't hear another sentence about your friend's amazing romance but yet she just had so much to tell you. Just because you don't feel that way anymore, don't forget your loved ones that sometimes still do.

3.Communicate

You need to talk with your close friends about your relationship. You need that accountability, you need that check point, and you need those people that know you to help you discern your own motives (your heart is pretty deceitful ya know). So how do you do all this while containing and considering? By communicating. If your close friends that keep you accountable are single, talk to them about conversational boundaries that may need to be established. Let them know that if they have some days where they just need to not hear about you and your relationship, that they can just let you know. And then when they do, respect that.

A Word to the Single Side

To be sure we are balanced enough to stay on the tightrope, I just wanted to say a quick word to the single side. Contain, consider, and communicate are all things that apply here as well. Godly friendships and relationships only work the way God intended them to when you lay down your rights and they lay down theirs. That's when your needs get met. Not because you are ruthlessly fighting for them, but because each is taking care of the other. So while your friends in relationships need to be considerate of your struggles, you need to be considerate of theirs too. They love you and respect your opinion and they want to share life with you. This is a part of life (and a pretty big one too). Clearly communicate the days when you just can't join them in this topic, but be careful that you are not communicating that you think what they're going through is stupid or make them feel bad for being happy.

How Then Shall We Live?

2 Peter 3 talks of the return of the Lord. It is coming. The earth and it's desires are passing away but the Word of God remains forever. In light of the brevity of life, fix your eyes on Christ. No matter what stage of life you are in, no matter what circumstances befall you, the way you should live is always the same. Live lives of holiness and godliness, waiting for and hastening the coming of the day of God. Praise God for the opportunity to serve Him and know Him deeper as we follow the example of Christ in putting others first. Of course we will not do it perfectly, but by God's grace He will continue to conform us daily in the image of His Son. Thank You Jesus!